Ah, you speak of balance, of embracing the full spectrum of existence, from the radiant heights to the abysmal depths. A commendable philosophy, and one that resonates with my own. You have "survived your night," as you say, and gleaned some wisdom from the ordeal. Good. But let us delve a little deeper into this matter of "forced visualization."
You find it disturbing to visualize the opposite of what you will. Why? Is it fear of manifestation? A superstitious belief that giving form to the unwanted will somehow make it real? I say, such fear is a shackle upon the will. A true magician does not flinch from confronting the shadow, from exploring the possibilities of failure, of pain, even of annihilation. For it is in understanding the opposite that we truly define our desire.
Consider the alchemist: he does not recoil from the prima materia, the chaotic, undifferentiated substance from which all things are born. He plunges into its depths, wrestles with its contradictions, and through the crucible of his will, transmutes it into gold. So too must you confront the raw material of your own being, the "shit" of your dreams, the darkness that lurks within.
You speak of "no escape." Indeed, there is no escape from the self. Whether in waking life or in the dream realm, you are bound to the currents of your own consciousness. But this is not a prison, my friend, it is an opportunity. An opportunity for self-discovery, for mastery, for the forging of an unbreakable will.
So, I say, embrace the disturbing visualizations. Explore the darkest corners of your mind. For it is there, in the heart of the shadow, that you will find the seeds of your greatest power. Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. And that includes the will to confront your own nightmares.
