"ONE OF THE BEST ROASTERS IN LOS ANGELES!" | Jay Light Roast Battle Comp...

Louis C.K. Is BACK – Full Comedy Highlights

Louis C.K. Is BACK – Full Comedy Highlights - YouTube

Transcripts:

[cheering] Well, [cheering] [applause] my my favorite sex position. Um, my favorite sexual position is uh reverse cowgirl, but I'm on top. Are you picturing it? It's good. It's really good. Nobody gets pregnant. It's a lot of fun. I'm trying to learn things about myself. Um, I got a scale for my bathroom. I'm not trying to lose weight.

 I'm just interested in the data. And I did learn something. I learned this because I weigh myself every night before I go to bed. And then I also weigh myself in the morning when I get up. And I here's what I learned. I weigh 2 lbs less every morning than when I went to bed. And I found out why. It's cuz I [ __ ] in my bed every night.

I do. I take a full 2 lb dump in bed and then I turn out the lights and I go to sleep cuz I don't want to sleep alone. Your needs change when you get older. At my age, a big big pile of shit's as good as anybody. I actually have a girlfriend uh but is we're struggling because she lives in France. Uh she's French.

 She lives all the way over there and we haven't been able to see each other for a year because of the disease. I have AIDS and uh she's great though. She sends me presents all the time. That's how she keeps it going. She sends me gifts uh in the mail. I get something from her every week. Sometimes it's chocolate from France or a shirt she wishes I would wear instead of things like this.

And sometimes she sends something to make fun of me cuz she's a little [ __ ] up. So last time she sent me a pair of little girls panties and uh yeah, I was like that's not funny because these are in my house now. I can't get rid of them. It's like nuclear waste. Think about it.

 I can't throw them out because I can't have people find little girls panties in my garbage with coffee grounds and butter on them. And every solution I think of makes it worse. It's like if I if I put them in a bag inside another bag and layers of duct tape wrapped in tin foil or if I put them in a coffee can and I nail it shut and I bury it in the park in the middle of the night.

Or if I cut them into tiny pieces and throw away one piece each week in a different town. My friend tried to help me. He's like, "Why don't you just burn them?" I'm like, "Do you understand? Even if there's a one ina million chance I get caught burning little girls panties, So, I'm wearing them right now. [applause] Yeah.

 It's the only solution I could come up with. I wear them every day and I hand wash them and then I dry them like this. Just right on the little strawberries. Here's the thing, men. Our biggest fear in life is that we're going to get caught being a kid [ __ ] That's every guy's biggest fear. Even if you would never do it, every guy's like, "That's what's going to happen to me. I know it.

" It's like being afraid of sharks when you live in the desert. Like, I don't go to the ocean, but it's going to happen. Cuz it's a fear not based in its likelihood, but in how horrible it would be if it happened. Because when they catch a pedophile, holy [ __ ] Holy [ __ ] It's brutal. Because we're scared.

 We're so scared of pedophilia because it's here and it's not going anywhere. That's the fact. It's not like there's a finite amount of pedophiles and we got the last one. No, they keep h it keeps happening every generation. There's more. Some of you have kids and some of them are going to grow up and [ __ ] kids. They might.

 You know, okay. Now, of course, of course, not yours for some reason. But they're coming from someplace. So, any real solution has to start with the basic reality that there will always be pedophiles. Not a great thought. I understand it's not an uplifting. You wouldn't put that on a fridge magnet or on your screen saver at the office.

There will always be pedophiles. Hey, where's Jim? He's under his desk. We do. We have to start with that reality because our solutions that we have so far don't really work. Here's our current solution to pedophilia. We wait till somebody [ __ ] about 10,000 kids and then we go, "All right, you you better cut that out.

" That's pretty much it. There's no measures for preventing it. None. We have no policy to prevent not even just a like a street sign. There's a street sign for everything. No hunting, no spitting, no skateboarding. I've never seen a don't [ __ ] a child sign in the world. I've been all over the world. Not even just like a a picture of a guy [ __ ] a kid with a line through it.

 So that it transcends language barriers. I mean, try it. You won't get most of them with the sign, but even if one out of a 50 of them is like, "Oh [ __ ] I am sorry. I didn't know it was an issue." That's money well spent. There's things that might work and we don't even try them. Like, is anybody working on very realistic child sex dolls? Okay, then let THEM [ __ ] YOUR KIDS FOREVER.

 Is that if that's better? I'm so sorry for suggesting something that might actually work. Oh, no. Let them [ __ ] both my sons, but don't make a doll.That would be distasteful. The thing is that this I'm still talking about it. This this problem we lose things because we won't really face it, you know, that are important to us.

 Like the Boy Scouts Boy Scouts, wonderful thing being sued out of existence because of all the kid [ __ ] that goes on. And I know it's upsetting because look, here's the thing. The Boy Scouts is a wonderful thing for kids. They go to the woods, they work together, they learn skills, they get in touch with nature. What could it be better for a boy than that? But some of those guys want to [ __ ] the kids.

 I don't think they do it a lot. It's not like there's just a shitload of kids being [ __ ] in the Boy Scouts. I think it's mostly that they find out that the guy wants to. I don't actually know though. I don't Do you know why I don't know? BECAUSE I'M AFRAID TO LOOK IT UP. I I'LL GO TO PRISON FOR typing it into a Google. HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM IF you're afraid to [ __ ] look it up? How many Boy Scouts get [ __ ] on a Oh [ __ ] Every time I move, I got to tell my neighbors that I look that up.

Here's what happens. Every few years, you find out there's some pedophile type people in the Boy Scouts, and then they announce, "We got it. We got them all. We're good." And then a year later, THERE'S A BUNCH MORE. What's going on here? At some point, you got to wake up to the basic fact that the maybe the people who are best suited to give your kids these wonderful experiences are folks that want to [ __ ] them.

 Maybe that's maybe that's why they're good at it. Maybe that's if you want that, that's where you go. Maybe that's just the way that goes. Who else would want to take a bunch of kids TO THE [ __ ] WOODS? WHO WANTS TO TAKE YOUR [ __ ] kid to the [ __ ] woods? You don't want to take them. Who else would want to do that except people that are barely containing that they want to [ __ ] every kid in the face? That's why they're good at it.

 That's what makes them good at it. I'm not saying that all scout masters are pedophiles. I might be saying that the best ones are. I might be saying that. That sounds right. So, I don't know. You have to lose the whole thing. Just tell your kids. Some of those guys want to [ __ ] you. Just be careful. Have a good time.

Take the contribution from where it comes. Michael Jackson, wonderful music. Blessed us with wonderful music, did some other things, too. What? Look, what's worse? A pedophile who makes beautiful music or one that doesn't? This is the choices. No pedophiles is not on the menu. So, how have you all uh been enjoying living the way I already was for a couple years before all this? [cheering and applause] Welcome to my life.

Can't work. Can't go outside. Can't show your face. Got to wash your groceries. cuz I got come on the groceries. That's why I just in my mind that's what it means. Maybe that's more than you were thinking, but I have a solution for the pandemic, by the way, for CO. I have it. This is it. We test everybody, first of all.

 Every time we find somebody who has CO, you kill them. This is it. That's the solution. You won't need another one after that one. That's the final one. It's been pretty amazing to be alive during this thing during co because you're not going to see this again. And wow, did we learn some [ __ ] That's really the things that teach you in life are things you never would have chosen to do for yourself.

 I mean, think about your life the as far as it's been where you had the choices where you're like, I'm going to do this. I'm going to pursue this. It all goes to [ __ ] Every bit of it. And even when it goes right, you're like, "Why don't I like it? It's what I wanted, but why don't I like it?" Because it's your choice.

 And your choices are based on fear and [ __ ] just thin, stupid, shitty hopes. But when life just kicks you in the balls and you're like, "Oh, [ __ ] Everything's different now." And you it shows you [ __ ] you wouldn't have looked at otherwise. That's the the great joy in it. And what I thought was really interesting about co uh uh and still is is that it's the first thing I've seen where everyone on earth had the same problem.

 Every human being on Earth had the same problem. We never had that before. That's why we don't give a [ __ ] about each other because you read like, "Oh, there's floods in Houston." You're like, "Fucking water. What is it? What's your problem? Floods? What is that? Just walk like this. What's you can't handle some water? My basement floods? What the [ __ ] Who gives a shit?" Like he's on a canoe in the street. That looks like fun.

 Why is that an issue? There's fires in Cal. What? Blow it out. [ __ ] blow out a fire. Get the water from Houston and dump it on California. [ __ ] deal with it. But we all had the same problem. Every person from Zimbabwe to Tokyo to Newark to Honolulu, everybody was doing the same dumb [ __ ] Every person had the same stupid [ __ ]moment at the same just trying to get the the mask out of the well of your car door trying to I got to go in Walgreens.

Where's my [ __ ] mask? You try to It's got pistachio shells in it and pennies. I'm sure it's still effective. I actually like the masks cuz it just everybody looked nice. Everybody did cuz it's just their eyes. Eyes are nice. You never hear somebody say that guy's got gross eyes. It's really We should hide these.

 We should keep the masks cuz this is disgusting. How do we just with no shame look inside my face? Spit in at a tongue and teeth. It's [ __ ] gross. Cover your mouth. Don't I'd rather look at your [ __ ] than your mouth. I really would. I'd rather stare into your [ __ ] than glance at your mouth. [ __ ] aren't that bad.

 Not to look at. We don't like to think about [ __ ] cuz it's like they're, you know, the [ __ ] and the farts and the diarrhea, but that's a small portion of their time. Do you ever really look at an You ever really look once you see it like in nature, it's just it's a little that's all. That's your [ __ ] It's like you know what it is? It's just an aperture. That's all it is.

 That's your [ __ ] It's like a camera shutter. That's all it is. It's like the opening to the James Bond movies. That's what you're asking for. You ever go to lick somebody's [ __ ] and there's a little guy with a gun in there? That was bad. But it really was an interesting social experiment co because everybody got told the same thing.

 The whole world got told the same thing. If you go out unnecessarily millions will die. And a lot of us said, "Oh, I'm going out." Yeah. I'm going now. And a lot Yeah. And millions died. It's just we're not that different from the turtles that you're trying to get them not to cross the [ __ ] highway and they're like this where I [ __ ] I [ __ ] over there. [ __ ] you.

 And we're like please stop. Putting little signs up. Don't go. And then [ __ ] you. I'm a turtle. It doesn't We're not that different. We're just a [ __ ] species and we're just rolling along. Yeah. Many dying old ladies died. That's what happened. Many dying old ladies finished dying. Here's the way you got to look at it. Okay, we're still making more.

 We're making new old ladies every day. There's a fresh batch coming. They're going to be great. I was having sex with a woman once and she was so beautiful I was having trouble not coming. So I pictured her face at 80 years old and then I came immediately because she's 92. Anyway, one thing I found very interesting was that during the pandemic, a lot of people really liked counting the dead people.

 That got very popular was counting the amount of the dead and dying. Do you know how many people just today just today? Do you know how many pepper died at co 19 time just today? When do why keeping a daily tally? We don't do there's a lot of [ __ ] going on that we don't keep a daily tally of how many babies were dropped in a bucket of paint.

And I looked that up. I'm not kidding you. It's 30 a day. It's a real problem. I'm serious. A steady 30 babies a day are dropped in buckets of paint. It's not random. It's one guy that won't stop doing it. Yeah, we liked counting them. We liked counting the dead. And when it got really high, we don't know how to count them anymore.

 People trying to find different ways to express the number or take it in. Remember January? It was really bad. It was 3,000 people every day were dying of COVID. So people started saying this. This is 911 every day. This is literally 9/11 every day. When did we start measuring deaths in 911s? When did that become the new How many football fields long is it? for mass death.

 How many 911s was World War II? Can we look it up? I know the Holocaust was 2,000 911s. 911 wasn't that bad. It was just one. Only one 911 of people died on 911. That's like nobody died that day. See, it's all relative because then you have those later. Remember January was really bad. January was the worst. And then in April, March, April, we all felt better.

 Everybody's like, "Oh, it's way better now. It's way better. Way better than January." I looked it up. It was 1500 people a day. And everybody's like, "It's way better than January." Really? It's half a 911 every single day. But that's way better. That would be like if on 9/11 after the first tower went down, you're like, "Ah, that's not that bad.

It's just one." Still got the other one. That's why they made two. It's okay. It's all right to make fun of 911. It was a hoax. All right. Sorry. Anyway, [applause] I thought I had CO about three times. I'm one of those idiots. I was like, I think I have it. Can you feel I I'm bad with pain, too. Like the other day I hit my elbow right on that spot where if I had a gun I'd be dead now.

You know that's I can't do pain. That's why I could never be a cop. I couldn't walk around with a gun right here. There's 50 things a day where I'd be like [ __ ] that. That ain't worthThat's my main problem by the way with the whole defund the police idea. What about people that want to commit suicide by cop? What about them? Hey, we'll put a pin in that.

 But we had a lot of protests in New York and now we have protesters that just live here. They're not at a protest. They're just here. I saw a protester in Washington Square Park. She had green hair and dirty legs. And she's holding a little piece of cardboard and it's with a Sharpie. that said abolish billionaires.

I was just standing there and I thought I don't think that's going to do it. I doesn't feel like that's going to result. And Jeff Bezos going, what's happening to me? Sadly, it's going to be okay for him. I think I thought it was good how pe how young people got out there and they expressed themselves.

 They went out there to solve a lot of problems. Not all of problems, but some of them. They they went out there to stop discrimination. U not all discrimination, just some of it, which is a weird form of discrimination, but there are groups there are groups that are discriminated against who don't have any protesters or any people working for them.

 And we all discriminate against these people like ugly people. Everybody discriminates against ugly people. They do. And it's awful. I mean, I'd rather be discriminated against for my race than for being ugly. Cuz you you might not lose a job or a promotion, but nobody kisses you on the lips like your whole [ __ ] life. Like, try that.

 This is what we say to ugly people. We don't like your face. You just don't like it. So, no one's going to fall in love with you. And it's unanimous. Sorry. And we just expect ugly people to be like, "Oh, no. I understand. I mean, sure. It's my head shape. It's no good for you. So, I'll I'll with I'll go without the things that matter in life.

Also, overweight people overweight people deal with things that none of us deal with cuz I'm not overweight. There's people who are discriminated against because of their weight. I read a story once about a woman who's 600 lb and she couldn't get medical care cuz everything she goes to the doctor, he just says it's cuz she's fat. everything.

 She's like, "My knees hurt." He's like, "Yeah, my knees hurt just looking at you. What did you think was going to happen?" She's like, "I have chest pains." He says, "Yeah, cuz your organs are over capacity, so they're hurting." She's like, "I got shot in the head." He said, "Yeah, cuz you're [ __ ] fat. Somebody shot you in the [ __ ] head cuz you're fat.

" It's a terrible story. Here's the worst part of the story, and this is true. This is true. She needed an MRI cuz she had something serious. She's 600 lb. She doesn't fit in the machine. You know what they did? They sent her to the zoo. I'm not kidding. They sent her to the [ __ ] zoo. That's what WE DO FOR FAT people who need an MRI.

Here, here's your prescription. Go to the zoo. Yeah, that's where you should go. You should go to the zoo. By the way, you know how many fat people we have in this country? About 600 trillion billion thousands of them. You know how many trans people there are? About 38. But if you're trans and you need a restroom and it's awkward, we'll change every restroom.

 But if you're fat and you need an MRI, you go to the zoo, you fat [ __ ] Just go to the zoo. You go experience that today. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SHE GETS TO THE ZOO? What actually [ __ ] happens when she arrives at the zoo? Hi. Are you here to see the monkeys? No, I'm here for an MRI. Oh [ __ ] All right. Yeah. Uh-huh. Okay. Just stand in the straw over here.

Yeah. You're after the walrus who has lymphoma. BY THE WAY, WHY IS THERE AN MRI machine at the [ __ ] zoo? Who was developing that instead of a fat human being MRI? Who's paying for this [ __ ] You don't give an elephant a [ __ ] magnetic resonance image test? Are you [ __ ] high? That's obscene. If an elephant is sick, you just listen.

You do this thing. Misa thinks she going to die, did he? I'm saying this out of respect for elephants, by the way, because we're supposed to respect how they live. They don't [ __ ] cure their diseases. This is not their culture. This is our word. Let's fix it. Oh, he's sick. That's not how elephants live.

 An elephant in the Serengeti isn't like, "I have a lump. I have to see my oncologist." When an elephant GETS CANCER, HE FALLS OVER. HE TAKES HIS [ __ ] turn and becomes food. You don't put an elephant in a state-of-the-art. What if you find cancer? What are you going to give him? Chemotherapy. A skinny elephant with a pink baseball hat.

Each day is a gift. I love animals. I do. I do. We have a weird relationship to animals. We name them and we play with them and we kill them and we eat them and we stuff them. We draw them. I have a dog. I love my dog, but I don't know my dog. We've never had a conversation. Not one time I talk and she just hears A.

She looks at me and I'm like, "Yes." She's like, "What? You don't know whatthe [ __ ] I'm think? [ __ ] you. I don't know this [ __ ] I have no idea what she's thinking." I really wish I did. I wish I knew what she was thinking. It's my biggest wish maybe in life is that I knew cuz I know she has thoughts.

 I know she does. There's no way she's just like, "Dog, there's stuff going on in here. I've seen it." You ever watch your dog make a decision? You ever dog watch your dog just walk in the room and then look around like, "Yeah, I'm going to go over here." Why? Please tell me why. I think my dog thinks I'm insane because I look at my life through her through her eyes.

 Like I'll watch TV for four hours and from my dog's point of view, I'm just sitting there. [laughter] Why the [ __ ] is he laughing? What happened? My dog is my life now because my kids are grown up. My kids are in college and they're all, you know, I'm an empty neester. That's what you call it when your kids are gone cuz they grew up, not if they're dead.

It's not used that way. My daughter died of leukemia. Hey, you're an empty neester. I miss it. I miss having little kids. I think about it all the time. I think about it maybe adopting. You know, I could adopt a baby from a third world country. That's a good thing to do cuz you can just leave them outside.

 You don't have to, you know, it's interesting. We've been adopting babies from other countries in America for a long time. I mean, other countries do it, too, but I live here, so I'll talk about that. But it's an interesting thing. It's not a biological imperative to go get a baby from thousands of miles away, but we we've been doing that in large numbers here for a long time.

 And not always for the same reasons. There's been different reasons why we've done it. in the early like in the 70s when I grew up sometimes you meet a couple who had an African baby that they brought because they're those kind of you know these kinds of people you know the kind of couples that hold hands when they announce things you know those kind of people they gather their friends and they're like we've decided you know those they have a farm table with a clay pot of honey on it and their apple juice is cloudy.

 You know what I'm talking about? Those are the kind of people that make a trip to Zimbabwe and get a baby and name him Kevin and send them to Boston College. Whatever. That was like the 70s and 80s. Then in the '9s, it became very popular with gay couples started to adopt babies from China because they want to have a baby, but they can't. They both have dicks.

 I don't know if you know that. Did you know that gay couples have two dicks, so they can't make a baby? You can try. You can just It's really [ __ ] You could You could try to come into one dick with the other. Like if you line up the dick holes and you can come and the sperm goes up this dick and down that one.

And then the sperm gets to the balls and and they're like, "Wait, what the [ __ ] Did we turn around? Cuz we're in the balls again. Whose balls are these? These aren't even his balls. Oh, he's gay. [ __ ] All right. Okay. All right. Well, just swim around till we're dead. It's just the way it is. You're not going to A baby will never come out of a penis.

It's good. It's a good thing cuz it's hard for women. Imagine pushing a whole baby out of your penis dick hole. Even just a hand. Yeah. Anyway, so that's why gay couples adopt. That's why [applause] >> [cheering] >> and often from China because they make a lot of stuff there. Um, so that was that that was a the gay couples were adopting Chinese babies because they they couldn't have uh babies.

 And then and then all a a lot of other couples started doing it more around the turn of the century. Um, I used to live in Hollywood, which is a pretty awful place. And everybody there gets Chinese babies. It's very popular. They go because and it's not because they can't have babies and it's not because they're trying to help somebody from far away.

 It's because they're just busy. They're busy. They want to have a baby, but they don't want to have a baby. You know what I mean? That that thing where you you can't have your baby and eat it too or what. I don't know how that works. They don't want to get pregnant is the point. So, they go to China. They don't even go to China.

 They go to the airport and somebody from China meets them, gives them a baby. It's true. They just take it home and then they get a Jamaican nanny to watch their Chinese baby and they go to cocktail parties. We have a Chinese baby. It's amazing. And meanwhile, the Chinese baby and the Jamaican nanny are just alone looking at each other like, "What are we doing? What is What is this? Why can't either of us see our families? Why what the [ __ ] is the point of this? So yeah, my dog I got a dog and my kids are and I I just sit around. I watch uh

watch YouTube a lot. That's my favorite pastime. Um I was watching YouTube today. I was watching one of the ads that comes onbefore the video. I watch I don't skip those. I think that's rude. It is. It's mean. Somebody worked hard on that ad. They they trained a cheetah to run alongside a Jeep Cherokee. And you're at home like 3 2 1 [ __ ] off.

It's [ __ ] mean. What if you made something, dick? Anyway, the ad was a PSA. It was a um a antismoking message. It was a Puerto Rican man with a hole in his throat. He was like, "My father smoked and my mother smoked. I wish I never smoked in my life. Please don't smoke cigarettes. Cigarettes are very, very bad for you.

First thought I had was, why does he still have an accent? It's coming out. Feels like if you bypass the mouth, you shouldn't have an accent anymore. Does the machine have a a setting for Puerto Rican? Is that just how air sounds coming out of this guy? Does he fart with his accent? Anyway, after the ad, I watched the video that I was looking for, which was a scene from a movie, and it's a scene that I really hate.

 Every time I see it, it makes me angry, which is why I was looking for it on YouTube. And it's a mo movie I like. I actually like the movie. Uh, it's called Goodwill Hunting. You remember Goodwill Hunting? Of course. Right. Matt Damon play great performance. He plays a very complicated young man wing a tight t-shirt for a whole movie. And here's the thing.

Here's my issue with Goodwill Hunting. Matt Damon also wrote the movie. Okay, so he basically sat down. He's like, first of all, I'm amazing. I'm a construction worker. I'm like working class and I drink beer and I get in fights. I get in so many fights. My friends are like, "You're out of control, man." And I'm like, "Shut up.

This is the way I am." But then also I'm a genius. I'm not I didn't even go to school. I just know things. I don't know why. I just know them. And all the nerdy geniuses that studied for years are like, "He's so much smarter than us. It's making us upset. It's insane. It's [ __ ] insane. It only makes sense if he wrote it for himself to be the guy.

So, the scene I was looking for, it's the worst example of that in the movie. Here's what happens. He goes to a bar and he meets a woman and he likes her and another guy likes her, too. But she picks Matt Damon because he wrote the [ __ ] movie cuz he decided, you understand? She doesn't like him. She likes me.

 You better believe it. So he gets her phone number and then he goes outside and he sees the other guy in the window of a restaurant and he decides to taunt him. So he goes over, he tells his friends, "Hey, come here. Watch this." And he says to the guy, "Hey, do you like apples?" And the guy says, "Yes." And Matt Damon goes, "Well, I got a number.

How do you like them apples?" And all Matt Damon's friends go, "OH, this was amazing. OH, OH MY GOD. OH my god. YOU WERE READY WITH THAT. HOW You know how he did it? He wrote the whole [ __ ] movie. Okay. He made everybody say all the things. Otherwise, this doesn't happen. I mean, he hinges the whole [ __ ] prank on the guy liking apples.

 The guy must like apples. Who the [ __ ] Who would say yes to do you like apples? coming from a clear antagonist who's SETTING HIM UP, GATHERED his friends. Do you Wait, guys. Watch this. Do you like apples? God damn it, I do. I wish I didn't. So, I can tell this is not going to go my way. But I just I can't lie. He'll know it. He'll know it because boy do I like apples.

Do you understand? If he says no, Matt Damon is [ __ ] He's [ __ ] in the face for life. He's got nothing. Do you like apples? >> No. What the dude [ __ ] guy? No. Come on. Seriously. Seriously. You [ __ ] don't [ __ ] don't [ __ ] do Do you Do Do you like bananas? Do you? Cuz I thought cuz the woman gave me her telephone number.

And And isn't that bananas? I saw a guy I saw a guy peeling a banana the other day. It's another banana juice because Did you hear the other one ended with banana? Banana. I got three banana jokes, by the way. This is number two. Okay. I saw a guy peeling a banana on 6th Avenue and it bothered me.

 And I'll tell you why. Because it's the way he peel. When I peel a banana, I hold it around here. I peel down to my hand. Right. This guy holds the banana at the bottom and he just peels the whole thing all the way down. It felt like a guy at a urinal pulling his pants all the way to his ankles. I was like, "Dude, tmi with that banana right now.

 What are you making a smoothie on 6th Avenue? What are you doing?" The banana was like, "Hey, you don't even know how much you're going to eat. I have a bruise right here. kind of got lost in the banana shame there. You want to hear the other banana one now? Yeah. All right. Okay. So, I was at the grocery store and I needed bananas. So, I go over to where the bananas are and there's a black woman at the bananas.

It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. I swear. I understand. White people are very scared of discussing bananas and black people in the same conversation. I understand. IfI have a black friend over, I would never offer him a banana. I just I don't know why. I just wouldn't do it. Hey, you want a banana? Why the [ __ ] you asking me? Hey, man. Sorry.

 Have a apple. I'm really sorry. These are just the facts of the case. All right. I was in the store looking for bananas and and there was a black woman at the bananas and I wanted I didn't want to go there while she's there because of co we're all giving each other space. So I I but I do want to be next. So I'm waiting.

And she's kind of taking a long time. And the longer she takes, the longer I am a white man watching a black woman choose bananas. And this is an awful thing about the world today because I know I'm not doing anything wrong, but I feel [ __ ] bad. I feel [ __ ] bad. So, I went to the strawberries and there's a [ __ ] Jew with the strawberries.

>> Here's a nice one. That's the Jew. I'm not going to do the black woman. No, I'm not. You know why? Cuz I'm not afraid of Jews. That's really That's the bottom line. I'm not scared of Jews. I don't find Jews to be frightening. Unless you're in Palestine, then they're terrifying. It's very different. Over there.

 They're like, "The Jews are killing us." And here we're like, "Really? The Jews? We've been slapping them around for years. Anyway, this banana is too hard. Well, this banana is soft, but I'm not going to have it till Tuesday. I'm going to buy the hard one and wait. Just trying to be fair. Just trying to be fair to the Jews. Lord have mercy.

 Anyway, [cheering] [applause] don't worry. I'm an old man. I'll be gone very soon. I worry about getting old only cuz I don't want to lose my memory, you know? I mean, some of it I would love to lose, but it doesn't work that way. You got to take it all or none, I guess. But I lose I forget things, you know? Like, remember Fonza from Happy Days? I don't remember him.

I don't even know what you're talking about. I forget weird things, you know? Like, I was walking down the street once in New York and there was a guy in a van and he rolled down the window and he said, "Hey, get in the van and suck my dick. And I said, "All right." You know, so I got in the van and you know, I was trying to pull the door, the sliding door, but it kept and he's like, "It just shuts. Don't you don't have to.

" I was like, "Sorry." He's like, "It's everybody does that. It's okay." So, I'm kneeling on the floor of the van on like a purse and there's no lady in there, but I'm like, "I came here to suck this guy's dick, not like take inventory. This is work." So, I started sucking his dick and about halfway through, I'm guessing, I remembered that I don't really like doing that.

Senior moment. Some people worry about getting old because they think it means that they're dying, which it does. But this doesn't worry me. I don't worry about dying because I think it's necessary. I think it's something that you just have to do. You should do it. It's when it's your turn, you should do it.

 If somebody, you know, your doctor says you're dying, just say, "Okay, and die. Don't, you know, maybe a miracle. [ __ ] you. Get in the ground. Just take your turn." I really think that way now. I didn't used to, but I do because I, you know, when I started thinking that way was when my my mom died. My mom died a couple years ago. of anorexia.

 She was uh 300 lb. She was bad at it. I know it's [ __ ] up, right? What a piece of [ __ ] Anyway, she would have liked that joke. She would have My mom's [ __ ] was [ __ ] She was gross. And I remember when uh she was dying, I was I was alone with her and the the nurse said, "This is this is imminent." I was like, "What does that mean?" She goes, "It's in a she's going to die in a minute." Like, just say in a minute.

It's so close. Anyway, I was alone with her and she died. And I was like, "Fuck, they're going to think I did it." Obviously, I didn't want to lose my mom. I really didn't. But I but we had this one conversation like two weeks before she died when we we were talking about it and I said, "Mom, I don't want you to die.

" And she said, "You'll get over it." That's what she said. And I did. But in the moment, I wasn't willing to accept it. I was like, "I don't want you to go." She said, "But we're going in order. Do you understand? This makes sense. I'm your mother." I'm like, "Mom, stop talking like that. This is sad." She goes, "No, it's not.

 Look at it this way. Do you want me to never die?" I was like, "No, I don't want that at all." And it helped me get in touch with an important idea, which is that dying is important. It's every generation's greatest contribution to history is that they die. It's the only thing that keeps things moving.

 It's the only reason there's any progress in the human race is that folks keep [ __ ] dying. Every generation has had a mix of of douchebags and amazing people and boring, great, good, whatever. But they're all [ __ ] dead. Every [ __ ]one. Thank god they're all [ __ ] dead. There's a limit to how much any of the good ones did.

 And the shitty ones got to stop being shitty. It's a great system. Now when you look at the internet and all these people, you're like, "What the [ __ ] is happening?" They're It's okay. They're all going every all of them are going to die. I mean, you don't want to die. [applause] >> You don't want to die. You don't want your loved ones to die.

 But that's a selfish wish when you think about what would happen if nobody died. What kind of world would this be if there was no dead? Nobody if we still had people here from the 1100s. It's hard enough having people here from the 50s. Just sir, just scan the code on the table. There's no menu. >> What? I don't understand.

>> Jesus Christ. You want to go through that with Pontious Pilot and Charlemagne? [ __ ] pain in the ass. [ __ ] old people that don't want to [ __ ] just When you get older and you start going, "Everything's so crazy now." No, it's fine. Just get the [ __ ] out. It's great. They're not going to make it work for you. You're here for 10 more minutes.

Just get the [ __ ] out. If you're in an airport and you're looking at the toilet and you're like, I don't understand how this works. It's time for you to die. That's what that means. These toilets are for the next people. Get the [ __ ] out. That's the way I look at my life now. I I had some good, I had some bad, but I'm done.

 I mean, I'll hang around cuz I'm curious. But I'm so interested in the way things are going. I really am. It's such an interesting time. such a we're on a hinge. It's such a cool thing to experience that. I'm excited about a lot of what's coming. There's things that are hard now, but that's the way it is. Things are going to get I think it's exciting what's happening.

 I think young people today have some great ideas. They're being a little [ __ ] about some of them, but the ideas are good. The ideas are good. Like when I was growing up, we had two genders, male and female. Now you have all these expansion teams. I think it's very exciting. It is. And the best idea is this gender fluid thing. This is a great [ __ ] idea.

Gender fluid. The idea, the way I barely understand it is that you you just something in the middle. It's like a fretless base. You don't have to be the specific pictures. What a dumb way to do it. These are the kinds of people you can be. Which one are you? I don't feel like any of those people.

 Then you're a failure. You have to fight. Start acting like these people so we know what to call you. Why? Just make it a what? It's just a what? Just all cart. I like dicks. I don't like balls. I'm a this and that. Moving through it, changing when it feels like it. I wish what I'm saying is I wish we had that when I was a kid because I think our generation got hurt by the rigidity of identities and how you had to just stick to them. You had to pick one right away.

You're 8 years old. What are you? I'm a I'm a boy. What do you like, girls? Vaginas. Love vaginas. I'm 8 years old. I never saw one, but I'm committing my life to them right now. I didn't even get to smell one for a second. Just a sniff. All right. What else you got? [applause] >> 10 years old. Are you gay? No.

 No. No. I hate dicks. Hate them. What? I know. I didn't even get to fidget with one for a minute. This banana's too hard. I'm not saying I wish I could have blown all my friends to see what it's like, but on Fourth of July there were fireworks. I was with Matt. There was a feeling. I don't know what could have happened.

 I have no idea cuz we were so scared. We were so We're afraid to seem gay when I was a kid. Cuz in the 70s the stereotypes showed you what everybody's like. Men are like this >> and then the women have to act like this and then gay people are like they're just tired. That was gay people in the 70s. I'm gay. Help. I'm gay. I can't even do anything.

That's what gay men were in the 70s. You ever meet a gay person? You don't [ __ ] with gay people. Not today. They're all athletes, first of all. And they they got their [ __ ] together. They're [ __ ] They're [ __ ] gay people. If your landlord's gay, they're billionaires. They own Apple. They're in the cabinet.

They're in the Navy. They're they're they're cowboys and Indians and construction workers. Gay men are men. You ever go in a gay owned business? He's like, "Can I help you?" Like the gays in there, but he's [ __ ] tough now. It's my story, [ __ ] What do you want? Gay men are men now. They're their fathers, their husbands. They're men.

Today's heterosexual men are [ __ ] I don't know how that happened. And but they're [ __ ] [applause] I'm saying that with love and as an old man on his way out the door, but they're [ __ ] [ __ ] They're intelligent and they're evolved, but they're [ __ ] They're with a pajama shorts and they're just pale, almost blue.

My wife got a promotion today. Oh, goodfor you, [ __ ] I'm so happy. I am. I'm happy for him. Sounds like a good they have a good life together. But it takes some getting used to for me. And when I see a progressive young couple, I always want to stop him and ask her, "Is that turning you on? Please tell me.

 Is that sexy? He's with a pin man's handpipe just with strawberry smoke." She's like, "Well, he's very intelligent and he's conscientious, but does he make your [ __ ] wet?" [ __ ] no. He's a [ __ ] But I love him. And again, great. It's another kind of dude. The [ __ ] straight dude. It's another kind of guy. Welcome. We should have all OF IT.

 THE WHOLE SPECTRUM, the whole alphabet, all of it. But somebody does have to be just straight [ __ ] You You have to have that. It doesn't have to be the most important, but you do need it because it's where it all [ __ ] comes from until they figure out some other [ __ ] This is where life still starts. If you if you want to eat local and organic, you got to respect that someone's got to have a hard dick [ __ ] a [ __ ] That's that's where every trans every gay person came from.

 Two boring straight people [ __ ] I mean that's just for now. It's someone needs to have you could know with an original dick, not a turned inside out [ __ ] wrapped in thigh flesh, which is wonderful. Wonderful. You got to respect that. You do. Somebody who wants to be themselves so bad, they rip their balls off.

 That takes balls to do that. It does [ __ ] respect. But someone's got to have a a factory dick with matching numbers [ __ ] a wet farmraised [ __ ] [applause] Thank you very much. Good night everybody.

The Master List

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Why isn't 'It's Always Sunny' Cancelled?

Scientists Created Human Clones in 2002 (...allegedly)

Scientists Created Human Clones in 2002 (...allegedly) - YouTube

Transcripts:

Did you know back in the 2000s there was a huge debate about human cloning? >> We're talking about scientists creating human embryos for the purpose of exploiting them and destroying them. And there is no scientific evidence today that this is justifiable. >> Did you know there's no federal ban on human cloning in the United States? >> Strictly speaking, it would be legal to clone me, for example, tomorrow.

 They're also making fake embryos for spare parts. >> But a brave new world where children are bred for spare parts >> and human animal hybrids for research. >> Dr. Zavos also reveals he's produced animal human hybrid. >> In this series, we're going to get into the most incredible cloning, conspiracy theories, and scientific advancements.

Now, y'all can watch these all in order. You can watch them out of order, but at the end of the series, we are going to put out the entire cloning series as one mega video, the mega series video. So, in this series, I'm going to cover the recent past, the present, current status of things, and how it might even get more interesting in the future.

>> Very, very high probability that the baby's going to be seriously abnormal. is just completely morally unjustifiable. >> Please do not send any hate or honestly comments of any kind to anyone mentioned in this video on behalf of me or yourself. Purpose of this video is to give my commentary and opinion on matters of public concern. Thank you.

>> What's the deal with human cloning? Like, is it allowed? Is it possible? These are questions that we will explore in today's episode of this series. It was three months ago that infertility researcher Panos Zavos predicted that his Kentucky based human cloning team would produce a pregnancy this year with the delivery of a cloned human being in 2003.

 Now he's confirmed that one of the first of several couples willing to try the controversial human cloning procedure is from this country. >> We are considering 200 couples. That doesn't mean that 200 couples will be cloned immediately. They will be considered as such. We will start with the first one. Yeah. >> And we'll finish with the 200th one eventually, but it's not going to happen all in November.

>> Starting at the same >> We're going to spread them out and and do as many as we can. >> Allowing cloning would be taking a significant step toward a society in which human beings are grown for spare body parts and children are engineered to custom specifications. >> Is this legal here in the United States? Uh, it's my understanding you'll do the procedure elsewhere.

 Is it legal in this country? >> Yes, it is. The the House passed the the bill, but the Senate never debated it and George W. never signed it. Therefore, it is legal in this country, but we prefer not to do it here. We have better environments and and conditions to do it elsewhere. >> As we discussed in episode one of this series, the celebrities are out here cloning their dogs.

 Okay, this is taking place in labs in across Asia, but mostly it appears that it is going on primarily in Korea, South Korea and a little bit Japan, a little bit China. Okay, and so that so so the technology so to speak to clone a dog apparently exists. All right, this is scientifically accepted and noted.

 And we did talk in the second video of this series about Dolly the sheep, a purportedly cloned sheep. 1996 apparently it took place and then 1997 they announced it pop culture explodes with a cloning obsession. But a sheep and a dog and a monkey that's not a human. Maybe there's something specifically unique about humans that makes us impervious to being cloned.

 I'm not going to I'm not going to make you wait till the end of the video to find out that's not the case. Humans can be cloned. And according to some of the sources in this video we're going to get into, it's already happened. Humans made to order. Mothers giving birth to themselves. Babies conceived just so their body parts can be transplanted.

Come with me into the scary new world of cloning. The nightmarish stuff of science fiction has suddenly become a reality. The genie is out of the bottle, said scientists in Scotland earlier this year when they successfully cloned a sheep. And they weren't kidding. Using those same techniques, it's now possible to clone humans.

 What's more, there are doctors ready and able to do it. >> I'm glad they say it. Look, one thing about 60 Minutes Australia, and it's been since 1999, at least. They'll say it when nobody else will. Shout out to the Australian. I love Australian. To be honest, I feel like that's got to be my cousins. Like to the scary world.

 It is scary. It is scary. I'm glad she's not mincing words. It's scary. And she's saying it here. She's saying they've got but they yes human cloning is possible and they they do and they make him babies to order. >> Strictly speaking it would be legal to clone me for example tomorrow. And this is the place it's most likely to happen.

A leading IVF clinic outside of New York. Behind those walls, there are people with the technology, the ability, and the desire to genetically engineer human embryos to be the first in the world to successfully clone a human being. >> There's no doubt that human beings will be cloned. >> Dr. Jacqu Cohen, a leader in his field, simply needs the approval of his clinic's ethics committee to make history.

>> So, if I had the money, you had the permission, you could clone me tomorrow. Well, I wouldn't say tomorrow. It will take a year or two to we we could we could clone it probably in 2 years. >> What you're seeing here is an actual cloning taking place at the research facility in Scotland that pioneered the technique.

 In theory, it's blindingly simple. Here, it's an animal, but just as easily, you can take a cell from a human. A scraping of skin will do. Then get an egg from a female. Remove the nucleus and fuse the two with a spark of electricity and ta you have an embryo. Implant the embryo in a woman and 9 months later you have a carbon copy of the person from whom the skin scraping was taken.

>> Oh man. And it does just remind me of like all the scary implications because anywhere where there's money to be made, there's a criminal and a grifter just sitting right there waiting to make that money. And it's like thinking about the desperation in somebody who needs a a heart or an organ transplant.

 Like what they would be willing to do or not do. And maybe they wouldn't be willing to harm somebody, but maybe they would be willing to pay a few hundred,000 for a clone to be grown and grow a liver and just get rid of that clone or whatever. Who cares where it came from or what was just a skin cell? Oh, it gives me like a weird shiver down my spine.

>> To some, this man is a Frankenstein. To others, he's God. Over the past 8 years, working in secret, he's been leading a team into medicine's most controversial terrain. His aim is to clone a human being. >> For the past 8 years, and this was in 2000. So, this started in 1992. When was Shan Pitypuff Daddy Combmes Christian Combmes born? Anyway, just wondering >> by injecting the unique DNA of an individual into a woman's egg to give birth to a human replica.

>> Doctor, you have no >> His ambition has brought him into bruising conflict with mainstream science and ethics. >> This is a disgrace, doctor. 70% of these children, by your own words, would be born mutated. >> By his own words, 70% of the children would be born quote mutated. I rebuke. >> Since this experiment began, our film crew has been recording from the inside this man's journey of triumph and disaster.

>> It's very difficult for us to tell what may have happened here. >> You know, I paid60 or $70,000. Uh I guess obviously you ought to tell them do not freeze the embryos. >> The lady is on the phone. The customer is on the phone hollering at him about freezing the embryos. And that just brings me right on back to cryogenics and the people that have their whole bodies and their heads and things frozen so that they could be reanimated.

 I mean, we're real close now. You know, somebody over there at ALOR has tried. >> What this man is doing could change the very process of creation itself. >> I am not God. I just only do God's work. And if I have a choice between playing God and playing devil, I'd rather play God. >> Okay, that was unsettling.

>> Take a look. In the eerie blue light of his secret lab, one of the world's most controversial scientists shows off his creation. Cloned human embryos that are genetic carbon copies of their father. >> Okay, here's the other thing, too. There's more. Apparently, there's more than one way to clone a human.

 Okay? It's not only one way. They got they got ways where they take the genetic material from one, put it in a woman's egg. They got one where they actually combine it with the woman genetic material. They got one where they just used the casing of the woman's genetic material and put two other completely different people and now they're even developing a way to do it where there's two female genetic informations and like there's three total three total like contributors to this eventually born I mean is it a human if it walks like one

talks like one I mean I don't know what that would be I guess it would be but it would have like different some weird genetic stuff going on but they're talking about this like he's got to do it in secret cuz it's illegal or something and it's like there's many places where he could do this out in the open.

 Why is it so secret? Is it cuz he's doing something with the clones that then after he clones the clones, he's not supposed to be doing with the clones? I mean, it it it does raise a lot of ethical questions. What's the law? You know, what's the law? I mean, we will get into that at some point. There are states that have clone and kill laws in the United States where it's like, oh yeah, you could clone it,but you can't you can't clone for to make a, you know, a new person like as a as a reproductive clone, but you could clone human tissues and embryos and

things to do other stuff for research and it's like, >> oh, my babies are doing well, look beautiful. >> Filmed for a TV documentary, Dr. The panotus Zavos implants 11 of the embryos in four women, one of them British, in the hope of producing the first cloned human being. The procedure is a criminal offense in the UK, but not in this undisclosed Middle Eastern country.

>> So this man right here in his lab, again, this is like the late '9s, early 2000s. He's cloning a clone that has only the genetic material of the father of the male contributor. like uh it's just like a male clone like male male like only male. It's like I don't know something like not to get all not to get all traditional or anything but something like something in me just feels like at the very least like to make a baby there should be a egg and a sperm. I maybe not maybe not.

 I'm not even you know IVF and stuff that's fine. I'm not talking about that actually. Truly I don't know what IVF is. I thought it was like a a sperm and a OAM and they come together and then they make a at this point maybe I need to look into that but that's allowed. I think we have three very good embryos that could be in utero today and that if implantation is successful as well and the pregnancy is maintained as we say in the US we have a home run.

>> Why is this man with this accent like this saying as we say in the US we have a home run? Why he ain't saying like we say in Greece? Like excuse me you freaking weirdo. Don't ask we anything in the US whenever you are doing secret clone experiments of human embryos. We in the US would like for you to go back.

Actually, I think I speak for all of us. >> Dr. Zavos also reveals he's produced cloned embryos from three dead people, including Katie, who died in a car crash. He injected her DNA into a cow egg, though he hasn't implanted the animal human hybrid. >> Not only can 20 years ago, 25 years ago, they were in fact and indeed cloning humans, they were making cow human hybrids 20 years ago.

 If you think it's a conspiracy theory, I wish it was. >> British scientists have condemned his work as reckless. Phoning of animals such as Dolly has shown the technique carries risks of severe congenital abnormalities. >> Something wrong with >> and be disgusting because he's sowing false hope to begin with. So the individuals who are involved in this experiment, and that's what it is, an experiment, may well not realize that the outcome is almost certainly going to be negative.

 Um, and to put couples through that, in my opinion, is unethical. >> And like there's a lot of conspiracy theories that I've heard over the years and like some of them like easy to believe, some of them middle, and some of them are like you're never getting me to believe that ever, ever. You're just never getting me to believe.

 And one of the categories of that conspiracy theory for me was that they would say there was these underground government labs that had half human, half animals, half human, half pig. It's the craziest thing. Ah, you're never going to get me to believe that. Well, imagine my surprise that I'm watching 20 years ago that the man put a little girl and a cow hybrid together.

 Actually, maybe they got something underground. I mean, you're not going to do it above the ground. If you could go in a cave or in a tunnel to do it, you might. This man said he's doing stuff in secret. He was in fact and indeed making a human cow hybrid in his secret lab for real. He said I mean I didn't I didn't look at the experiment. It was a long time ago.

>> Dr. Zavos adapted a standard cloning technique for his human patients. >> A standard cloning technique. Okay, so back in 30 years, 20 years ago, there was already many techniques and some were standard. Okay, this is this is not new. He first took an egg from the mother and stripped out the nucleus containing 99.

9% of her DNA. He then took a skin cell from the father and extracted the genetic material that was injected into the empty egg and given a jolt of electricity to form a cloned embryo. Within a matter of days, the embryo would have grown into a ball of 32 cells which Dr. Zavos implanted into the mother's womb.

 So far, none of the attempts has led to a viable pregnancy. But this infertile Canadian doctor, who wants to remain anonymous, says the technique is his only hope of having a child. >> Pretty much decided that uh probably I would be the first one to be clone, but then, you know, if it worked, then we might go on to have another child.

>> Despite almost universal condemnation, Dr. Zavos has vowed to continue his work. He says more than a hundred patients had contacted him in the hope of having a cloned baby. >> So back in the late 90s and early 2000s there were a few scientists who were the preeminent experts in cloning technologyand cloning science period.

 And it would end up being the case that they would work together but they also seem to have fractured in their relationship at some point. Uh there was this guy in Italy. There was like an Italian scientist. And then there was this Zavos guy we were just introduced to. And then there was another man who came from the cryogenics society.

 He was in the leadership over there. And he wanted to throw his hat in the cloning ring as well. Avi Ben Abraham. Okay. Avi Ben Abraham. And so in 2001, Ben Abraham along with this Dr. Zavos, the one we just saw in the secret layer doing the half cow, half human, along with this third guy, this Italian scientist who is an infertility specialist.

 They announced their attempt to clone the first human. Now, they said they were going to do it in a an undisclosed country. >> In most of America, cloning hasn't been outlawed, but public hostility is such the professor is looking elsewhere. By next year, there could be a clinic where the first cloned babies will be born. In the next few weeks, Dr.

 Zos will be flying to the Mediterranean where he'll be scouting out possible locations, which again, if it was not outlawed completely federally in the United States, I don't know why they would have to say, "We're not going to say it." They just said, "We're going to do it in the United States where it's legal." They were doing it in a quote undisclosed country.

 Well, y'all, all I had to do was watch a few YouTube videos to figure out that the that the country was very obviously, you know, I'll just put the clip in here. >> Arrived in Israel today hoping to pave the way for human cloning. Here, Zavos met with one of Israel's most influential religious leaders, 104year-old Rabbi Kaduri.

>> All my appreciation. >> Despite widespread moral and ethical objections to human cloning, Rabbi Kaduri gave the effort his official blessing. >> There is a great wisdom in that process. God bless those who are doing it and uh I'm all for it. >> Kadori has a lot of political clout. Israeli candidates routinely seek out his blessing.

 So today's stamp of approval is seen as a first step towards persuading Israel to legalize cloning. >> This is a great day for us and a great day for Israel. >> The man behind this weekend's political maneuvering is Dr. Abi bin Abraham, a wealthy and well-connected member of the cloning consortium. If he succeeds in his mission, he says the first human baby will be cloned in a fertility lab somewhere in Hifa north of Tel Aviv within the next few years.

>> Israel is the land of innovations and we're hoping that we'll be able to do it here obviously under the umbrella of the legal system. >> This is where he went to meet a local leader, okay, to get his blessing because you have to check in. It's it's not much different, frankly, than the Hoovers or the Eugene Henley's or the, you know, Big U.

 You got to check in when you go into somebody's turf to do such a thing. And some some speculated he was doing it maybe right off the coast here and there or whatever. But oh god. Yeah. So we already made a video one time about the cryon about how to Walt Disney's Frozen Head and how Lima and then it got the al core and I mean oh my god that video was good.

 Y'all need to go back and watch that. But one of the things that I covered in that video is that people are purchasing basically like parking spots in the freezer tanks of these cryogenics companies that are freezing their bodies or their heads or their genetic material in order to reanimate them in the future.

 From what has been reported publicly, that has never actually worked. But that hasn't stopped people from paying thousands of dollars to have their, you know, matter and remains frozen. So this guy, he he was all up in it. this um Avi Ben Abraham guy and it kind of looks like he maybe was the plug into this undisclosed country. >> The procedure is a criminal offense in the UK but not in this undisclosed Middle Eastern country.

>> Like it looks like that's kind of like you know he was in with them. He's like, "Oh, I I can introduce you to I know a guy that'll that'll give you the blessing or whatever." Then they did get the blessing. There was also this press conference that they had. So they do this press conference and it actually was reported about in the Tampa Bay Times.

 This was March 2001, the very beginning of 2001. Now this article has been updated in 2005. It was updated. So I don't know is this the Yeah, this is this is the updated version. But it says in a scientific forum punctuated by shouting matches, three doctors from the United States No, no, no. I'm going to correct that.

 three doctors, one from Greece. >> If they choose to reproduce via this mode, they will reproduce via this mode. This is a freedom that they have in America. It is a a a freedom that is under the constitution and is is is guaranteed to them. >> One from Italy. >> If the law against the clone is is willbe approved, it will return the dark age like Afghanistan, like Iran.

 Please, I am proud to be in America. >> And one from Israel. >> The man behind this weekend's political maneuvering is Dr. Ai Ben Abraham, a wealthy and well-connected member of the cloning consortium. >> Told critics Friday that nothing can stop their plan. Ha. Nothing can stop us to create not just clone, not just cloned humans. No, no, no, no.

 Of course. What is it? What is it? What do you think? Take it, guys. Clone children. Yeah, they want they want to clone children. They want children clones. They don't want adult clones. Just think about that. Anyway, um they said more than 600 infertile couples have already signed up. The wouldbe pioneers disclosed little new information about their project.

 First announced six weeks ago and spurned the idea of submitting to ethical or scientific oversight by any government. Instead, they spent four palemicfilled hours either belittling rival researchers and weary politicians or trying to convince them and a skeptical public that science is ready to move on to cloning humans despite a disturbing rate of disease and deformities in similarly reproduced animals.

 Quote, "Some claim that we're moving too fast. They are right," said Avi bin Abraham again. Some say we're moving too fast. They are right. Stop pushing. Yeah. An American Israeli biotechnologist. You know what I thought about recently? What even is biotech? Like we say it so much. When you really think about it, it's like biology and technology together.

 I think we have enough of that. I think we we can stop now. We have IVF and surrogates. Like, do we really need clones for adopting? I mean, there's also kids that don't, you know, they lost their mommy and their daddy and they'll have none of that. So, they need to adopt to go adopt them, you know. I don't know. I don't know, girl.

I don't know. He's like, "We are moving as fast as we can think, as fast as we can imagine, but we are proceeding with the utmost responsibility according to who?" Then there's this Italian doctor. He pipes in. He already had pushed the boundaries of fertility treatment by helping women become pregnant in their late 50s and early 60s.

 He and this Zavos Greece guy, a Grecian reproductive physiologist who just left the University of Kentucky announced their project on January 25th, apparently becoming the first specialists in reproduction to publicly set the goal of cloning a human being. Now, they do have a a competitor for the first people to clone a human, and it's going to end up being a very bizarre alien religious cult, okay? Or a religious cult that thinks they might be aliens or getting messages from aliens.

 Okay? Then came Dolly the ship and now nobody's laughing anymore. Everybody's afraid and we are laughing. >> Cloning is not illegal in most states in America. And the Raian movement has both the money and the scientific expertise. >> I'm wondering who actually cloned the first human. Somebody definitely did. You know, it had problems.

 It probably was like a Frankenstein and maybe Mary Shel was trying to tell us something back in 1881. Okay, so they have this forum and they got into it with each other. There's actually YouTube videos. There's videos of this exact incident. And I'm just going to show y'all how fired up all three of these dudes were.

 They were they were they were fired up. They were in rare form >> in the public saying that Severino and I cannot do this and they're basing all that on circumstantial evidence. You just can't do that. I want to remember professor professor Bush if the law against the clone is approved it will be the return the dark age like Afghanistan like the Taliban in Iran.

>> What do you think of the Italian scientist that wants to clone a human being this fall? As you know, I supported the anti- cloning legislation in the Congress and uh I'll be making a statement about my views on how life and science should uh interface uh when I'm ready. >> So, this press conference and all that, that was just leading up to them saying that they were going to try to do it.

Well, remember this guy right here, that Italian guy, the Italian fertility specialist. Look at this headline. Again, this is a headline. I didn't write it. This is from 2002. This is over 20 years ago. Italy's auntie Nori says he's cloned three people. So, we started this video, you know, is it possible? Is it legal? Is it allowed? Has it been done? Well, according to the United Press International News Analysis Insight May 9th, 2002, this fertility specialist from Italy says yes, he did it three three times. Three people. He shocked

observers a month ago when he reportedly said on the sidelines of a conference in the UAE that an Arab patient of his was 8 weeks pregnant with the world's first cloned human. He declined to elaborate. However, the staff at his office in Rome would neither confirm nor deny the claim.

 This week, this scientist spoketo Italian television reporters to say that he has helped three women become pregnant with clones, a claim his office has confirmed. There are three of them, ranging from the sixth week to the 10th week of their terms. The pregnancies are progressing nicely. Staff members did not provide additional information about the three women, citing their rights to privacy. We live in hell.

 This was in 2002, y'all. This ain't 2025. So he said despite the outrage from political and religious leaders over the possibility of cloned humans, the reason the project was top secret was not moral but social in the country. He said where these babies will be born, the children will be treated as monsters unless the climate of persecution changes. Okay.

Well, he did say, you know, one of the countries was the UAE, which I don't know. I'm not Muslim, but I would imagine like, you know, Allah probably like doesn't want clone babies. Maybe he does. I don't know. Somebody can tell me. Religious leaders were speaking out to you and saying this, "No, we're not doing cloning.

 This is not what God has intended of certain religions. Where there was a Catholic one." So, people were really speaking out. And you see, you can also see how these guys are so good at propaganda because it's like you're persecuting the clone. If there's a clone baby going to school with your baby and it acts crazy and you have a problem with it, you are persecuting that clone and it's going to be seen as a monster.

 Maybe it's going to be seen as a monster because something's wrong with it. I bet you if it just went to school and acted normal, like probably nothing would be wrong. Nobody would look at it as a monster. I don't know, girl. I don't know. I don't know. Now, a lot of people even back then were like, "He's lying, your honor.

" No, that's not true. He's not doing that. He just wants clout. I'll leave it up to y'all whether you believe it or not. But that leads us to the next topic that I want to discuss and we are going to do it in the next video of this series and that is right around exactly exactly I mean I'm talking like on to the date timeline of when one of these three clone babies would have been born.

 There's a pretty crazy religious cult out here that claims that they might have one of those babies. That's all we have for this one. Make sure that you turn your notification on because I know you don't want to miss the next one. In the meantime, Fax and Defamation. Love you. Goodbye. I was reading IQ is 50% genetic and got distracted and I was just thinking >> thank God.

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